Monday, July 17, 2006
No more Sausage
Larry and Scott wanted to go out drinking, but they only had $2.00 between them. Larry said, "Hang on, I have an idea." He went next door to the butcher's shop and spent the $2.00 on one large sausage. Scott said, "Are you crazy? Now we don't have any money left at all." Larry replied, "Don't worry - just follow me." They went into the pub where Larry immediately ordered two double shots of Jack Daniels. Scott said, "Now you've lost it. Do you know how much trouble we will be in? We haven't got any money to pay for this!" Larry replied, with a smile, "Don't worry, I have a plan. Cheers!" They downed their drinks. Larry said "OK, I'll stick the sausage through my zipper and you get on your knees and put it in your mouth." Said and done, the barman noticed them, went berserk, and threw them out. They continued this, bar after bar, getting more and more drunk, all for free. At the tenth bar, Scott said, "Larry - I don't think I can't do this anymore. My mouth is sore and my knees are killing me!"
Larry said, "How do you think I feel? I lost the sausage at the third bar!"
Singleton at 11:33 PM
Thursday, July 13, 2006
Madonna & Gorillaz
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Singleton at 11:40 AM
Wednesday, July 12, 2006
The Healing Process
When the hell is it going to start? So far I have deleted all of his pictures from my home computer. They're not totally gone, I have them stored online. I have also got rid of all his stuff he had at my place and I have deleted all his numbers from my phone. What I really want to do most of all is to stop thinking about him, to get him out his mind.
I have always been a cynical and mistrusting person. I keep asking myself why does it hurt some much, why is it so hard to get over this a-hole!! Why was he different from the rest? Well, first of all here was this beautiful man who was so way out of my league it wasn't even funny, and he wanted to spend time with me. And for the life of me I never knew why. Plus, he was nice to me which was a first. I think the difference was that yes, he fed me a lot of the same lines as the others, but unlike the others I WANTED to believe him. I thought we were really close friends and to be dropped so quickly and easily after a year and a half really hurt. What I really miss the most is the companionship, I use to love when I would come home from work and he was already there waiting for me. It really sucks coming home to an empty apartment.
Singleton at 12:26 PM
Jamie Kennedy's Rollin with Saget Music Video - Unedited!Singleton at 10:47 AM
Tuesday, July 11, 2006
New Hobby...
Singleton at 8:54 PM
Monday, July 10, 2006
Asshole!!
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Singleton at 2:40 PM
Saturday, July 08, 2006
NEW COMPANY POLICY EFFECTIVE IMMEDIATELY:
Company Policy: Effective from as of August 29, 2006Dress Code It is advised that you come to work dressed according to your salary.If we see you wearing Prada shoes and carrying a Gucci bag, we assume you are doing well financially and therefore do not need a raise. If you dress poorly, you need to learn to manage your money better, so that you may buy nicer clothes, and therefore you do not need a raise. If you dress just right, you are right where you need to be and therefore you do not need a raise. Sick Days We will no longer accept a doctor's statement as proof of sickness. If you are able to go to the doctor, you are able to come to work.
Personal Days Each employee will receive 104 personal days a year. They are called Saturday & Sunday. Bereavement Leave This is no excuse for missing work. There is nothing you can do for dead friends, relatives or co-workers. Every effort should be made to have non-employees attend to the arrangements. In rare cases where employee involvement is necessary, the funeral should be scheduled in the late afternoon. We will be glad to allow you to work through your lunch hour and subsequently leave one hour early. Toilet Use Entirely too much time is being spent in the toilet. There is now a strict three-minute time limit in the stalls. At the end of three minutes, an alarm will sound, the toilet paper roll will retract, the stall door will open, and a picture will be taken. After your second offense, your picture will be posted on the company bulletin board under the "Chronic Offenders" category. Anyone caught smiling in the picture will be sanctioned under the company's mental health policy.
Lunch Break Skinny people get 30 minutes for lunch, as they need to eat more, so that they can look healthy. Normal size people get 15 minutes for lunch to get a balanced meal to maintain their average figure. Chubby people get 5 minutes for lunch, because that's all the time needed to drink a Slim-Fast. Thank you for your loyalty to our company. We are here to provide a positive employment experience. Therefore, all questions, comments, concerns, complaints, frustrations, irritations, aggravations, insinuations, allegations, accusations, contemplations, consternation and input should be directed elsewhere.
NOW GET BACK TO WORK BEFORE YOU ARE FIRED!!!!
Singleton at 11:12 PM
Friday, July 07, 2006
The Lion sleeps Tonight
the lion sleeps tonight (animation)This is pretty Cute!!
Singleton at 4:50 PM
One Month down...
I always thought that the best way to get over a guy is with another guy. It's what has worked for me in the past: I don't think that is going to work for me this time. So far I have two offers to "get it on" since I stopped seeing the actor. I of course, turned both of them down, I'm not looking to get laid;I want more than that. I'm too old to still be having casual sex.
It's been very difficult to get through just my daily routine because of this situation. Sometimes, like Wednesday, I was having a good day I haven't thought about the actor all day until 2:30 p.m. when sends me a text saying that he was coming back from his vacation that night and that he'll "try" and give me a call Thursday evening. I'm thinking, "what the hell does he want??" Haven't I been through enough emotional turmoil because of him. What, is he not getting his salad tossed, by his new girlfriend,tht he feels the need to call me? I told him I was busy and wouldn't be home. He expects me to be all perky and happy everytime he decides to bless me with a fuvking phone call or visit. I am suppose to pretend that nothing's changed? That I should be happy to hear from him after all that's happened. This weekend I just want to get wasted and forget about the liar.
Singleton at 2:24 PM
Thursday, July 06, 2006
The Shit List
Ghost Shit: The kind where you feel the Shit come out but there is no Shit in the toilet.
Clean Shit: The kind where you Shit, see it in the toilet, but there is nothing on the toilet paper.
Wet Shit: The kind where you wipe your butt 50 times and it still feels unwiped, so you have to put toilet paper between your butt and your underwear so you won't ruin them.
Second Wave Shit: This happens when you're done Shitting and you've pulled your pants up to your knees and you realize that you have to Shit some more.
Pop-A-Vein-In-Your-Forehead Shit: The kind where you strain so hard to get it out you practically have a stroke.
Lincoln-Log Shit: The kind of Shit that is so huge you're afraid to flush without first breaking it into smaller pieces with the toilet brush.
Gassy Shit: It's so noisy everyone within earshot is giggling.
All Nighter Shit: The kind of Shit you have in the morning after a long night of drinking. It's most noticeable trait is the skid marks in the bottom of the toilet.
Corn Shit: Self-explanatory.
Gee-I-Wish-I-Could-Shit Shit: The kind where you want to Shit but all you do is sit on the toilet and fart a few times.
Spinal Tap Shit: That's when it hurts so bad coming out that you'd swear it was sideways.
Wet Cheeks Shit: The kind that comes out so fast & hard your ass get splashed with water.
Boomerang Shit: The kind that you flush down the toilet but then one or two Shits come back.
Soupie Shit: The kind when yellowish-brown liquid shoots out & splashes all over the bowl.
Upper Class Shit: The kind of Shit that doesn't smell.
The Surprise Shit: The kind when you're sure you're about to fart, but Surprise -- a Shit!
The Dangling Shit: The Shit that refuses to drop into the toilet even though you're done Shit-ing it. You just pray that a small shake or bounce will cut it loose.
Singleton at 3:17 PM
Wednesday, July 05, 2006
Distractions...
This past holiday weekend was pretty rough, I had a four day weekend and for the most part I spent it trying not to think about the actor. I went to the Lincoln Park Zoo, it was my first time going since I moved here five years ago. It was pretty nice and there were a lot of people there. Other than that I walked around a bit, played with my dog (who is NOT gay). But mostly I just cried and tried not to kill myself!!! Fu*&%# actor!!!
More Pics from Lincoln Park Zoo
Singleton at 2:02 PM
